Can't Come Out
Author: F.S, 30 years old male, Lebanon
My whole life I have been interested in women, or I thought I was. When I turned 18 and started to go out and I realized I am gay. All my relationships with women did not work out, I tried to change myself, but I couldn't. I met someone at 25, he was amazing, and it was the first time I fell in love. I wanted to marry this guy, but of course, none of my family members know I'm gay. Some of my close friends know. It reached a point where every Lebanese asks me this: "when are you going to get married?". I always say "soon". But I am sure I'm never going to get married (at least in Lebanon) because the ideal and only couple is a man and woman. So, this hiding I do is affecting me a lot, I think I can never truly be happy. The guy I met at 25 broke up with me a year after our relationship because he said he doesn't want to hide anymore. But I can't do that, because my parents won't ever speak to me again. I'll try to live like this for as long as I can.