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Stuck between Them

Author: 20 years old female, Lebanon
All along my childhood, my parents were two of the most loving and supporting parents. I loved them to death. I still do. However, through my teenage years, all I used to hear was their screams, shouting on each other for no serious reason. My mom is always so mean to my dad without any reason. One day, when I was about 12 years old, I caught my mom on a phone call with another man, who is not my dad. I wanted to be sure so I searched for pictures on her phone (she didn’t have a password at the time), and unfortunately, I found some pictures of her and the other guy. I went crazy and I wanted to tell my dad about that, but I didn’t. Why you may ask? Because I was a selfish 12 year old who wanted both her parents by her side. Even though they argue every day, in loud voices, and even though I lock myself in my room so I couldn’t not hear their voices, I still didn’t have the courage to tell my dad. I feel so guilty because I'm partaking in a lie, especially a lie that affects my dad. Another part of me knows that if I tell, my little brother will be affected a lot. These were my reasons for not speaking up and putting an end to this marriage.

I am now 20, and this is still the case. However, about 2 weeks ago, my father came and talked to me about this. He said that I am old enough to be subjected to such talks, and the irony is that he doesn’t know I have been struggling every day with their relationship. So my father tells me that he is not okay, that he knows my mom is cheating on him, that he cannot bear any second with her anymore, and that he is suffocating so we won't be without my mom. I told him that I support him whatever his decision was; however, I didn’t tell him that I don’t want to live without my mom. Thus, he thought I was okay with him divorcing her, so he just told me that he needs to convince my brother. So reader, I am literally stuck between the two, and I don’t know what to do. All I know, and all I'm certain of, is that I am torn between them, and I am suffering terribly from this topic. Part of me wants them to break up and finish from this, but another part wants my brother and me to be happy with both our parents. My equal love for my parents is destroying me.

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