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The Suicide Survivor

Author: 22 years old, Yemen
There was one time, I was in the dorms then I opened the door and saw blood on the floor. I traced the blood and it took me to my friend’s apartment. The moment I saw the room, it was full of blood, blood everywhere, on the floor, walls, bathroom, on the door itself. It was really horrible; I was so shocked, but I could not even speak or express or say anything. I only went down to look for the girl with my friend and then we found her she was with one of her friends who called the ambulance and took her. I got so shocked that it took me almost two months to get over it. I recently just stopped getting nightmares. For the first two weeks it was very hard for me to sleep or eat. Every time I went out of the room, I used to remember what I saw. I could not focus on anything and I had the semester going, so I had to seek for help. I went to the counselling center, and I talked to some people in two sessions, then my psychologist travelled so I stopped going. At first, I was angry from her and I had hate against her that why would you do such a thing? Then I realized that who am I to judge, maybe she was going through stuff. The same day she tried to commit suicide, I was at her room drinking coffee and she joked about wanting to die and she laughed and said I am joking. So, I blamed myself so much, it was an obstacle for me not to blame myself. I mean I was there when she said she wanted to kill herself and yet I did not take her seriously. Since then, I have a totally different view of a person saying they want to die or kill themselves, it is not the same anymore. Honestly, I am so blessed to have my friends and family around me because these are the people who helped me get through this. They were always there not giving me much time to overthink everything that it faded away step by step. Also, I used to do breathing techniques my psychologist gave me before sleeping and I registered for a gym away from my university and my home to disconnect from everything that happened and get my energy out somewhere else and now I am doing fine. I see the girl now and thank god she is okay promising myself to be more attentive to anyone who says that he/she wants to die or kill him/herself. 

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