Author: 20 years old female, Lebanon
About 10 months ago I got into a new relationship, and also about that time I was considered overweight. I took a decision to improve my health status and lose weight. However, this decision turned out to be really bad for my mental health. This was because my partner was really pointing out every flaw I have in my body. He told me stuff like "look at how big your hips are" or "if you were thin we would have more fun" or "if you lost weight you will look better". All these negative comments kept on going every single day until I started to lose up to 4 kgs per week (which is not healthy). I began to forbid myself from eating anything that can make me gain a gram of weight. I used to starve myself. I knew that was wrong, but I could not stop doing it because he was repeating all the "bad" traits I have, making them become stuck in my head. Whenever I looked in the mirror I saw a really ugly fat person. Today, I have lost 11 kgs and I am happy with that, but I am not happy with myself. I let someone control me and mess with my mind. Even though I have reached my ideal weight, I still want to lose more weight. I know that this is a warning sign of an eating disorder, but I cannot be happy with myself if I don't lose more weight. Finally, I did not leave my partner because I also can't. I think I have serious attachment issues because I know he is the most toxic person in my life, but I still choose to stay. I know this is wrong and I know I deserve better, but I can't fix this and it is destroying me every day.